LET THE AMERICAN WOMEN
GO AFTER THE TERRORISTS
Take all American women
who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us
with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac,
hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across
the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger
quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying
bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children,
we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to
get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us
who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is
about as likely as being struck by lightning. We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water
diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms
and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months
in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking
down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding
bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring
tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the
seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners
for years ... we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced
enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or
cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and
we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The
Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes
over their terrain.
Osama
bin Laden's Rear View Mirror--artist unknown
THE GREAT WALL--An American
Dream!
Three
guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one
day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it!
"I
will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The
Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.
I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With
a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile
for farming.
Osama
bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afganistan, so that
no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again,
with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afganistan.
Uncle
Sam (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500
feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually
impenetrable."
Uncle
Sam says, "Fill it with water!"
CONFUSED ABOUT TELLING
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE GOOD GUYS AND BAD GUYS?
Use this handy Guide to
differences between Terrorists and the U.S. Government by Daniel Solnit, Dissident
Voice, October 9, 2001
TERRORISTS: Supposed
leader is the spoiled son of a powerful politician, from extremely wealthy oil
family.
US GOVERNMENT: Supposed
leader is the spoiled son of a powerful politician, from extremely wealthy oil
family.
TERRORISTS: Leader
has declared a holy war ('Jihad') against his 'enemies'; believes any nation
not with him is against him; believes god is on his side, and that any means
are justified.
US GOVERNMENT: Leader
has declared a holy war ('Crusade') against his 'enemies'; believes any nation
not with him is against him; believes god is on his side, and that any means
are justified.
TERRORISTS: Supported
by extreme fundamentalist religious leaders who preach hatred, intolerance,
and persecution of non-believers.
US GOVERNMENT: Supported
by extreme fundamentalist religious leaders who preach hatred, intolerance,
and persecution of non-believers.
TERRORISTS: Leadership
was not elected by a majority of the people in a free and fair democratic election.
US GOVERNMENT: Leadership
was not elected by a majority of the people in a free and fair democratic election.
TERRORISTS: Kills
thousands of innocent civilians, some of them children, in cold blooded bombings.
US GOVERNMENT: Kills
(tens of) thousands of innocent civilians, some of them children, in cold blooded
bombings.
TERRORISTS: Operates
through clandestine organization (al Qaeda) with agents in many countries; uses
bombing, assassination, other terrorist tactics.
US GOVERNMENT: Operates
through clandestine organization (CIA) with agents in many countries; uses bombing,
assassination, other terrorist tactics.
TERRORISTS: Using
war as pretext to clamp down on dissent and undermine civil liberties.
US GOVERNMENT: Using
war as pretext to clamp down on dissent and undermine civil liberties.
TERRORISTS: Weapon
of choice: a three-dollar box cutter.
US GOVERNMENT: Weapon
of choice: a billion-dollar B1 bomber.
Afghanistan AFTER the War With the United States
BIN LADEN GETS VIAGRA
Hey! Did you hear they caught Bin Laden?
They flew over his hiding place, dumped out liquid viagra, and the prick stood up!
WHO HAS THE RESPONSIBILITY?
IT'S GOD'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE BIN LADEN
IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ARRANGE THE MEETING--United States Marine Corps
HAVE YOU SEEN ANYONE WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS?
We've been advised that terrorists may attempt to pass themselves off as ordinary American citizens and may even attempt to
change their hair color, wardrobe or appearance in order to "blend in." You are advised to notify the authorities of any suspicious individuals who might match the
following example...
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