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			VIEWER'S TOP TEN Archie Bonker's Top Ten joke list was updated as of October 1, 2003. These jokes received our highest "Side-splitter" rating making them your current favorites. Help us make up our future top ten lists in 2001 by rating our jokes online. It's easy. Just fill in our simple form with the joke name, select a rating, and submit! Hey, you may not think all of these jokes are "side-splitters." If that's the case, let us know which ones you like better. We will make up a new Top Ten List as soon as we hear back from you. We wish to thank all of our viewers who took the time to rate our jokes. NOT A SABRES' OR BILL'S FAN     Two boys from Buffalo, NY are playing street hockey when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid pitbull. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A Buffalo newspaper reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Sabres Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.     "But I'm not a Buffalo Sabres fan," the young hero replies.     "Sorry," replied the reporter, "since we're in Buffalo, I just assumed you were."     "Bills Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," the reporter continues in his notebook.     "But I'm not a Buffalo Bills fan, either," the boy responds.     "I just thought everyone in Buffalo was either a Sabres or a Bill's fan," replied the reporter, "Whom do you root for?"     "I'm a Toronto Maple Leaf fan," the boy answers proudly.     The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Canadian Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."--submitted by Rob Conti AKMED FROM AFGHANISTAN     Akmed came to the United States from Afghanistan. After being here for only a few months, he became very ill. He sought services from doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor.     The doctor said, "Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, poopie in de bucket, piss on de poopie, and den put your head down over de bucket and breath in de fumes for ten minutes."     Akmed took the bucket, went into the other room, poopie in the bucket, pissed on the poopie, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.     Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was it?"     The doctor said, "You were homesick."--submitted by Joseph F. Bagdal CUBAN NATIONAL ANTHEM What's the Cuban national anthem? Ans: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." NUNS PULLED OVER FOR DRIVING TOO SLOWLY     A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway. The conversation went like this:     Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"     Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit."     Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."     Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that." Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.     Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"     Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 101 a few miles ago." --submitted by Joseph F. Bagdal INDIAN AT WHORE HOUSE     A very dirty and disheveled Indian goes up to the front door of a whore house and says to the madam, "me want woman. I never had anyone before." The madam takes one look at him and smells the Indian and realizes that she doesn't want him near any of her women because he is so dirty and malodorous. Trying to be polite however, she tells him that he should practice first and then she will let him in. She tells him to locate a tree nearby with a knot hole and use it for practice. The Indian listens to her advice and leaves but in three days, he is back at the madam's doorsteps as dirty and smelly as before.     When the madam answers, he says to her, "me practice and now me want woman." The madam realizing her predicament decides to let the man go upstairs and have sex with one of the whores. While upstairs in bed with the whore getting ready for sex, the Indian hauls off and kicks the whore squarely in the butt. "Ouch," screams the whore, "why did you do that to me?"     "Me check for bees first," replies the smelly Indian. NORWEGIAN AND PUERTO RICAN RACING If a Norwegian and a Puerto Rican are having a foot race through a tunnel, who will eventually win? Ans: The Norwegian. The Puerto Rican will stop frequently to write graffiti on the walls. OLD LADY NEEDS CONDOMS     Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.     Lady 1: "What's that?"     Lady 2: "A condom."     Lady 1: "Where'd you get it?"     Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."     The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80's), but politely asks what brand she prefers.     "Doesn't matter," she replies, "as long as it fits a Camel."     The druggist fainted. LOGGER WHO IS DESPERATE FOR SEX     There was this guy who was a new arrival at this logging camp in the wilds of British Columbia, Canada. After a couple of weeks he decides to go into the only town within a hundred miles and have a few beers at the local pub. After three or four beers, he asked the bartender about the availability of some "ladies of the evening." The bartender told him that he hadn't seen a woman in the town for at least ten years, however, he mentioned that there was this Chinese cook out in the kitchen. The logger stopped him right there and said: "No. I don't go for that shit."     So, he had a few more beers and went back to the camp. He returned in about three weeks, had a few beers and again asked the bartender if there were any ladies available. The bartender told him no, however, the Chinese cook was still in the kitchen. The logger, again, told him that he didn't go for that shit and returned to camp.     About four weeks went by and the logger was getting desperate. He went back to the bar, had a few beers and asked the bartender, again about the ladies. The bartender again told him there were none and again reminded him about the Chinese cook. The logger again said; "No. I don't go for that shit." Then he thought about it for awhile and asked the bartender: "If I go out back with the Chinese cook, how many people will know about it"?     Well, the bartender says, 'There will be you and me. All together, there will be four."     "Four!" cries the logger. "I thought there would be just you and me. Where did the the other two come from?     And the bartender says, "Hell man. It takes two guys to hold him down. He don't go for that shit either!" WHY FARTS SMELL Why do farts smell? Ans: So deaf people can enjoy them too. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELEPHANT FART AND TAVERN What is the difference between an elephant fart and a tavern? Ans: One's a bar room and the other's a BaaaaaRooooommm!

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