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			2003 JOKE CONTEST WINNERS THESE SIX JOKES WON OUR 2003 JOKE CONTEST The four top winners will receive a cash prize of $25.00. The two runners-up will each receive $5.00. We mulled over almost 480 joke submissions to choose our contest finalists. The four $25.00 cash prize winners and the two runners-up with their winning entries are listed below. Each joke was rated on a scale of 1 to 10 and the jokes with the highest point totals became the winners. The jokes were rated by intelligence, inability to predict the punchline, and overall humor. We also favored jokes that we hadn't heard before or weren't variations on old jokes although we didn't hold the line on this if the joke was still very funny. Also, for the sake of fairness we picked at least one winning entry from the oneliner category. This year, we didn't have any winners from outside the United States but that wasn't our fault. WE THANK ALL OF OUR CONTRIBUTORS FOR THEIR SUBMISSIONS. If you would like to enter our joke contest for 2004, please send us your favorite jokes. The top four winning entries/prize winners are listed first but not in any particular order of finish. HAM SANDWICH     A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"     The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."     The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"     To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."     The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"     The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."     The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"     The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."     The rabbi nodded understandingly. He was silent for about five minutes, and then he said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?--submitted by Sandy Cramer, Monona, WI FOR BUCKEYE FANS     An elementary teacher starts a new job at a school in State College, PA and trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a Nittany Lion fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they too are Nittany Lion fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.     The teacher looks a little surprised and says: "Hannah, why didn't you raise your hand?"     "Because I'm not a Nittany Lion fan," she replied.     The teacher asked "Well, if you're not a Nittany Lion fan, then who do you support?"     "I'm a Buckeye fan, and proud of it," Hannah replied.     The teacher, now becoming interested in the lone dissenter asks, "Hannah, why are you a Buckeye fan?"     "Because my Dad is from Ohio and a Buckeye fan all his life and my Mom is a Buckeye fan, so I'm a Buckeye fan too!"     "Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's not necessarily a reason for you to be a Buckeye fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom was a prostitute and your Dad was a drug addict, car thief, and wrote bad checks, what would you be then?"     Hannah said, "I'd be a Michigan fan."--submitted by Don Murphy, Madison, WI SHIP SINKS NEAR BERMUDA     Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island. Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing.     Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing.     Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up--being even more ashamed of what they were doing.--submitted by Joseph F. Bagdal, Cincinnati, OH TWO TOURISTS DRIVING IN LOUISIANA     Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"     The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."--submitted by Jane Nagiary, Nashville, TN These next two jokes were runners-up each winning $5.00. NO BABY PLANES     A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"     The mother ( who couldn't think of an answer)told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"     The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"     The boy said, "Yes she did."     "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."--submitted by Everett Stretch, Galena, IL TWO WOMEN ON PLANE GOING DOWN     A black woman and white woman were seated side-by-side on the plane. As they flew over the ocean, the captain said, "Buckle up, we are going down."     The white women got her case and put on all her diamonds and jewels.     The black women said, "Why are you doing that?"     The white women replied, "The search planes will see all the glitter in the water and we will be saved.     With that the black women took off all her clothes and the white women said, "What is wrong with you?     The black women answered, "They always look for the back box."--submitted by Phyllis Creighton, Bridgeport, CT I have read the winning jokes and would like to submit my entry for the 2004 Joke Contest.

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